Fikkle Caught the Pox

Shattrath has been so crowded lately and I decided I wanted to get away last night.  I also had this itchin to Mana Tap something, but didn’t feel like having hundreds of Peacekeepers swarm me, what with my recent manicure and all.

So I decided instead that I’d go visit the Undercity.  Most of the guards would bow in Revered silence, but without touching me.  Its always nice to see the masses show you the proper respect you deserve!  So I ran over to the nice little portal in the middle of Shattrath and took a quick trip to the Magic Quarter.  Normally I would get on my trusty [Black War Kodo], however, the walk felt good.  Every once in a while it was nice to kind of get down and mingle with the ‘lesser’ peoples.  Luckily for me, I’ve developed an immunity to the stench in this place.  Before that, this place was horrific.

Wait, focus.  I wanna Mana Tap something, don’t I?  Well, the Western Plaguelands isn’t far from here.  No one important will miss a few Scourge minions.  Just enough to wet the whistle, get that fix.  Not that I’m addicted or anything.  I mean, I’m not.  No matter what anyone said.  Don’t listen to them.  Besides, there might be some fanatics out there who’ll actually appreciate it!

Wait, focus Fikkle!  I decided to stop by the Apothecarium before I left, just to see if they had anything that could take the edge off while I rode out to the Plaguelands.  Master Alchemist Faranell was quite happy to see me actually, more so than usual.

He’s been doing some extensive experiments throughout the Eastern Kingdoms trying to perfect this sweet little potion that should help the Forsaken reach their goals.  The only problem was, he was fresh out of Alliance prisoners to test it on.  They all died from the previous versions of the elixir.

But that could all wait, I needed something to take that ole’ edge off huh?  Well he had just the thing.  He handed me this tiny little vial.  Said that he knew it wasn’t much, but it was a ‘new’ recipe he’d been working on that was supposed to be much more potent than the stuff that I normally get from him.

So I popped the cap, gave it a whif and tossed my head back, finishing off every last drop.  I waited a few moments, but that nagging urge was still in the back of my mind. 

I told him his new brew was fairly useless and that I wasn’t paying for it.  He told me I would pay, eventually.  That was the last thing I remember happening.  Until I woke up, here.

I couldn’t figure out what had happened.  All of my gear, my bags, everything was gone.  And then I looked down at my hands, or what used to be my hands.  Where is my skin?!?!?!?  What in the name of Quel’Thalas happened?

This can’t be happening.  I just had my nails done!  Okay, someone was going to answer for this!  I ran up the steps out of the crypt I’d been laying in and saw someone there. 

He introduced himself as Undertaker Mordo, but as I started to complain he interrupted me and told me that I had to go talk to the Administrator, Shadow Priest Sarvis at the bottom of the hill.  Fine, I’m sure the Administrator can do more than you’re sorry behind anyways! 

So I ran down to the Administrator and began to tell him my story when he interrupted me as well.  Something about killing mindless, wretched things or something or other.  I told him I couldn’t possibly do that as it would be horrible for my complexion.  The Administrator just stood silent for a moment and then told me that I was dead and had no skin, let alone a complexion.  I’m dead? Now I’m pissed!

After listening to me he told me that he thoroughly had no idea what I was talking about and that if I really wanted to get to the bottom of it, I’d need more training, better gear and a lot more experience.

That’s when I realized that not only had I been turned into a creepy Undead thing, not only had all my bags and gear disappeared, but I couldn’t seem to use any of my spells or abilities except my Fireball.  All I did have was some tattered cloth that passed for a robe, a little bit of fungus as well as a half empty flask that tasted like it was the backwash from one of the Abominations.

When I complained to the Administrator about the lack of food around here, he once again just stood there silently.  Eventually he just cackled and said there were corpses laying all over the place and that I was free to have any that weren’t already half eaten.  Ewwwww. Gross.  When I protested he smacked me across the face and told me to forget whatever it is I thought I knew.  I was Forsaken now, that is all that matters.

What the crap did that scheming corpse do to me?!?!?!  Well fine, since I apparently have no choice, looks like I have to go kill those mindless, wretched something-or-others

This is crazy.  Now I know how Rabbit feels.  Wait a sec.  Rabbit has been missing a few parts.  I better check to see if I’m missing anything…  Wait a second.  Where are my eyes?  How can I see anything with two leather straps covering them?  This makes no sense!  Aww crap!  Where is my rib cage? 

Hey, anyone seen a rib cage laying around?”

Apparently, the Administrator wasn’t sure where they kept all the spare parts.  What’s the deal with ‘some assembly required?’  I did eventually find something useful from a walking skeleton that got in my way.  It wasn’t an exact fit or anything, but it will do for now.

Oh, and if one more corps says ‘remember, patience… discipline,’ to me I’m going to learn how to cannibalize on their rotting corpse…

To be continued…

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2 Responses to “Fikkle Caught the Pox”

  1. Haha, wonderful. This makes me want to get back into RP.

  2. Ya, it was fun to write. The hardest part was getting all the screenshots together. Fikkle (BElf) needed a change of clothes to look ‘presentable’.

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